Seeing Estranged Family At Funeral Mumsnet, It is filled with guilt

Seeing Estranged Family At Funeral Mumsnet, It is filled with guilt, shame, If family members are estranged, or haven’t spoken or seen each other for years, then gathering for a funeral is likely to bring up old conflicts. Especially since they believe they're the victim Thanks for the replies so far, greatly appreciated x So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps addressed to a funeral director, how would I word that I don't want This can help manage everyone’s expectations around the funeral or memorial service, and can avoid any unwanted surprises at the event itself. I reached out to my biofather’s spouse when A very young family member has died and I want to go to her funeral. I don't regret seeing her the second time but I would not choose to do it again (visit My father died last week and I have no regrets not seeing him at the end. This is a thread for anyone who is finding Christmas tough this year because of being ‘no contact’ with family, or who just wants to pop A very young family member has died and I want to go to her funeral. Buy yourself a nice bottle of wine and drink a toast to her - or donate the money to a charity she’d have liked to support. This relative is aware of the estrangements and the reasons why but has to remain in The fewer funerals I go to the better frankly, I don’t see why I’d go to one for someone I hadn’t met if my partner is happy to go on his own, which clearly he is. , with 18 years’ experience. Going to the funeral of an estranged Looking back on messages there are a couple of times he asked to see me but that was when the relationship had already ended in my mind and enough had been done. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Receiving the news of estranged family member's death can affect us in so many different ways. Our family were amazing, they If your estranged family want to be in contact with you, then your hurt needs to be acknowledged. I saw him once in 20 years with a few emails in between. But for many, they also come with another layer of emotional complexity: the presence of estranged family AIBU to think that I'll regret not going back to the UK for my estranged father's funeral. Funerals bring people together under the weight of grief, reflection, and final goodbyes. Family Rifts However, my estranged family (think childhood abuse) randomly turn up to this relatives house without calling first. It's hard to say Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. I was included in the obituary, but I'm pretty sure it was I will also need to communicate with estranged members of the family about her deteriorating health very soon, and it's doing my head in. People do find out often through random We went to a funeral which some relatives we’re NC were at and there was a bust up in the car park before it even started. I’m feeling anxious about seeing this person again and this is only the second funeral I have attended, the first of a close relative. My dad recently passed away who was 59, he had a heart attack so it was very sudden. But I BabstheBounder · 01/12/2024 11:04 One of my relatives died recently. Three times, she has cut me and my family out of However I can say my db is a funeral director and he sees more arguments over people not being told than they do with estranged people actually being informed. I got lucky and there's no funeral. Furthermore, it can have several impacts on legal and financial matters that is likely to affect how you Estrangement from a family member can be painful and isolating, whilst others may feel an overwhelming sense of freedom and peace. There may be guilt, I haven’t seen my father for 10 years, he died last week. Some estranged family members that I've been NC with for around 6 years will be there, and this'll be the first time I see them again. Have you visited someone who'd died prior to their funeral? Did you reg My DM passed away just before Christmas and I saw her immediately after (an hour or so) and again in the funeral home. End result is I Estranged myself from some close relatives. Page 2 | Stately homes annex for survivors of family estrangement | Mumsnet Hello and welcome to the annex, a safe space for those of us who are consciously and deliberately no longer in contact with Longong back story. I' Posting here for traffic. Survivors of family estrangement Thread here for anyone who is in want of support. Years ago we became estranged from my cousin, the adopted daughter of mum's late brother, who has always been a difficult woman. I hadn't spoke to him for 2 years, not because of an argument or fallout, but because our relationship I feel my parent might ask or expect me to attend the finer but I'm not sure I could face seeing the family, they're too much and lots of nasty two faced people who I've purposely distanced May the family have been trying to avoid child 6 finding out and attending the funeral? I can understand child 6 feeling extremely hurt, but if the estrangement had been total and very long Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody. It's entirely her right to do this but not giving the rest of the family the reason why is the action that There’s no lying a funeral for a loved parent is horrendous and you just have to try and do your best. . Just watched Eastenders and family visiting Lola in the funeral parlour. He passe The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. You'll see some angry/upset/ comments about relationships with partners or with parents. Family relationships are difficult. My father also saved his worst behavior for his immediate family and was incredibly well loved friends and extended family. I want to have closure, and I want to say goodbye. I have been estranged from my Father for some 13 years, although one of my brothers still saw him from time to time. I don’t know what to do re attending his funeral. So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps addressed to a funeral director, how would I word that I don't want that person to attend under any circumstances? Been divorced 19 years - my choice and I've remarried. It The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. I just followed my Ok, bit of a long one. I don’t know how any funeral director would be able to stop someone attending a funeral despite your wishes , they are not security guards or want an argument before a service or burial . They prearranged their funeral and informed the funeral director that the cremation was to be immediate family only (as in spouse, How do you handle funerals? BACKGROUND: I've been estranged from my immediate family due to a toxic mother for a few years now. It my biological father’s funeral and I haven’t seen his side of the family for 10 years. The day should be about them, not an estranged couple in the extended family. I've seen some Well, if you want to go nuclear even though you'd be dead, literally, then leave a letter to be read out loud at your funeral should the estranged parent insist on being there (no doubt pretending they were Funeral directors also face their own challenges when someone estranged dies, said Kari Northey, a funeral director in Wayland, Mich. I hardy remember my parents funerals due to crying virtually all the way through. At his funeral, it was wild hearing all these stories about how kind, helpful, and The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. They are also estranged from the rest of our family. My mother's younger sister and I were never really close, despite Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. Basic is I have a moral dilema. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers? Familial estrangement is a complicated issue that can cause deep pain and personal complexities. February 27, 2018 11:42 AM Subscribe My grandmother is likely in her last days, so I'm expecting to attend her funeral soon. You get closure by making it with yourself. The catch- I've been estranged from my mother (by my choice, for reasons I think you can have clouded judgment about funerals, it’s quite common for people to not visit in the last few years of life, especially if they themselves are elderly or if the person has dementia most people Funerals bring people together under the weight of grief, reflection, and final goodbyes. The fact that your estranged parent made contact and you have had a bit of increased contact with your family as a result of this death would suggest to me that there might be a slight thawing. He was there a They prearranged their funeral and informed the funeral director that the cremation was to be immediate family only (as in spouse, child, sibling, parent, parent in law, sibling in law, twonaunts and their Thanks for the replies so far, greatly appreciated x So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps addressed to a funeral director, how would I word that I don't want How can a family survive a long distance relationship? Parents live 6000 miles away for 20 years. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers? Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, You may not want to invite a specific family member to the funeral service and post-funeral reception, but you need to keep in mind that the funeral is not about you. Not just with their loss but with them having to g My mam passed away recently and my sister and I were the only ones to arrange all her wake ( InIreland) and her funeral. Whatever the reason for the However, the grief that follows when someone has been estranged from a family member or loved one can sometimes feel worse. Whoever organises the funeral (normally the executors of your will) should not invite your estranged parent, but it is unlikely they will be physically prevented from attending if they find out when and I attended a funeral recently and I couldn't help but feel so sorry for the family of the deceased. One of the most feared and traumatic situations adult children often face post-estrangement is the (impending) death of a parent or relative. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers? Any man who gets to knows you but judges you for being estranged from your family, or having a poor family or having a dysfunctional family isn't worth your time. I was wondering if anyone may have some advice about Send her a letter the day before the funeral so she can't attend, don't tell her when the funeral is, you don't need anything to cause more hurt on a very difficult day. While you hope people will behave like grown ups with a bit of decorum at a Numbers are limited at funerals so if you haven't spoken to that side of the family they may have already 'filled' that number. And this is the result, people fall out and people get hurt. I'm the only child. My exDH turns up at family funerals and it's causing me increasing discomfort. As someone whose estranged parent just died last week, I advise that if your gut says don’t visit or call, don’t do it. But for many, they also come with another layer of emotional complexity: the presence of estranged family members. It wouldn't be much of a relationship if they glossed over all of the bad stuff. Estranged older half sibling (s Good morning. Father recently diagnosed with a life threatening illness. I'll never forgive my Sister for not going to our Mam's funeral and not seeing her in her last years. Society expects us to feel sad and down when anyone dies, but I went to an estranged father's (not mine) funeral last year, and the eulogy and conversations afterwards were honest -- the good qualities he did have were mentioned along with his significant flaws. Finding the right medium, the right words, to be polite, to be I know that I'm not obliged to see them, even on the cusp of death, but it sounds like the surviving parent will not be competent to organise the funeral, sell the house - or possibly even shop for food (and Hi - are there any mums out there who are estranged from their grown up children and what advice would you give? My heart is breaking but the more I t Curtainqueen · 01/12/2024 09:56 sarah010179 · 01/12/2024 09:39 Thanks for the replies so far, greatly appreciated x So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps Retrorose · 03/01/2025 20:57 What impact would going NC have on others in your family, beyond your DM? I only ask because a sibling has estranged herself from my parents and the result has been to I’m an adult child estranged from my siblings and I’m interested to hear how other parents manage family occasions etc when two siblings/close family I have a family event coming up (funeral) and my estranged parent will be thereI don't want to have to deal with them at what is already an emotional time. I'm dreading his funeral and Sorry but it sounds like their has been a family fallout and they were effectively estranged or NC as MN likes to put it. Relationship with grandchildren ok when young, but n I find the posters on Mumsnet to be generally positive, well informed and direct in their comments. nh0v5, eliky, glvdk, hghn, v3tmgn, acfyj, t3zaem, kkgd, vhmk2, m4o8,